Radical Hive

And this is Ryan’s speech in it’s unedited form.

Hello everyone, so far, it has been a great day, and I’m sure that it definitely lives up to the dreams that Charlene and Brian had for it. Charlene and her bridesmaids are looking beautiful for the occasion.

When I’m the Best Man

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Ryan. Obviously, when picking a best man, Brian needed someone who would not offend, would show him a good clean time at his bachelor party, not sabotage wedding cakes or duct tape him to a table and force him to eat twinkies. He wouldn’t want any of that.

Unfortunately for Brian, I nominated myself – you see, he never actually asked me. I just kind of assumed. It’s a given. Brian gets married, I’m the best man. Sounded good to me.

When Brian told me that he was getting married, I thought of so many things – that he had found someone in Charlene who cherised his form of play and his sense of humour; of him finding a companion for life…but as a true guy friend, I didn’t say that. Instead, I merely said the two magical words, “Bachelor party.”

How Brian and I Met

Brian and I met in typical fashion – passing each other on the street, late by about an hour or two for our respective paper routes. We weren’t really friends – more just comrades who enjoyed highlighting each other flaws in details….though really, when I think about it, I guess that hasn’t really stopped for 18 years later.

After we were both fired from delivering newspapers, we coincidentally both found ourselves at Wendys. Our friendship was forged in battle – 7am Saturday mornings at Wendy’s restaurants, hurling tomatoes, ice, and chunks of frozen hamburg at each other’s craniums. It culminated in a battle that required two cases of tomatoes in under an hour. Eh (shrug) that was pretty much it for Wendys.

After we were forced from Wendys, our employment took us in different directions, but the seedling for Brian’s employment record was set. Soon after, he coined the term, ‘I’m feeling quitty’. That trend, luckily for Charlene’s mental health, continues today with his employment with Activate…eh, Alliance, no Headsdown, no TSN. I’ll be honest, I don’t know what it is this week.

Brian and I became good friends after our time at Wendys. We were the only two guys without girlfriends, so we hung out and laughed about how pathetic those other guys were. No way would we give up our Saturday nights for any woman. No way. We were tool cool for that. Others called us geeks, but we wouldn’t believe them.

Brian was originally one of the ‘London gang’ as they’re refered to in the Toronto circles. We both moved to Toronto several years ago to attend school. It was there that Brian helped perfect the ‘I don’t go to school if it’s raining technique’ and of course, ‘Work smarter, not harder’.

How Brian Met Charlene and My Involvement

Fast forward to two years ago. Brian was working at TSN (to clarify – I’m talking the first time around — he’s now on his second try at the Sport’s Network).

What Charlene and Brian won’t tell you, is that I’m the reason that they’re getting married. You see, I actually matched these two together. I can tell the anticipation is killing everyone, so I’m going to recount the tale.

It starts like this. My phone rings. It’s Brian.

Brian: “Ryan, I’m in Love. I’ve met the one.”

Me: “Oh man, what are you talking about? Don’t be pathetic.”

Brian: “No, no, no, you don’t understand, I’m in Luuuuv.”

Me: “What…what are telling me this for?”

Brian: “I need help.”

Me: You need help?

Brian: I…I can’t tell if she likes me.”

Me: “You can’t tell if she likes you?”

Brian: “Nope. No clue. None.”

So, my wife and I decided to head to T.O. to give the poor guy a hand and go on a double date. We went to the beaches and Charlene met us there.

Charlene: In sickly sweet voice, “Hi Brian”

Brian: A heavy sigh, “Hi Charlene”

Me: “Oh puke.” I cuffed Brian upside the head. “You dolt. You’re a perfect match. Now lets drink.”

Needless to say, I was left to drink by myself. They showed no appreciation for my caring services, though I’m sure everyone here is quite happy that I made that fateful trip to T.O that weekend. I don’t know if they could’ve done it without me and my interference…I mean help.

Charlene and Brian Perfect for one another

I might’ve masterfully gotten these two together, but I can’t take all the credit. Anyone who knows Brian well, knows that Charlene is the perfect match. You see, Charlene understands that Batman is an intergral part of his life, she is someone who understands that comics are not to be taken out of their acid free, ultraviolet filtering plastic bags.

She is someone, like Brian, who understands what ‘goodness in my belly’ means. Both of them share the same sense of fun and humour, which must seem like a strange mating ritual to outsiders. And by outsiders I mean anyone but them. They are the perfect match. Or so it seems.

The Dark Side of Brian

Unfortunately, all is not roses with Brian. He has a darker side. A side that I don’t think Charlene, her family, and even Brian’s family are really aware of.

As some of you may know, I am the villian who transported Brian for 5 days out of country to Las Vegas. Everyone thought it was a fantastic idea, and as I’m sure you all heard about. Anyhoo, moving on, I thought to myself ‘how much trouble can we get into in Las Vegas?’. Really, it’s Las Vegas. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

It wasn’t the gambling (though he did manage to lose a full $400 dollars earmarked for the wedding – but I’m sure he told Charlene all about that). No, it wasn’t the gambling. It wasn’t the drinking. It wasn’t the footlong hotdogs and a beer combo for a buck (though that made things rather unpleasant for both myself, Rich, and the hotel room).

No, it wasn’t any of those.

It’s time for the secret to come out. I was shocked and dismayed, but luckily, I had a camera on me. I captured this. Photographic evidence. Prepare yourself.

I think the world needs to know about this (and other) pictures, so I will post them on the wall so that everyone can take a look at them once the reception begins.

Why Brian is a Great Guy

I have the good fortune of calling Brian my best friend. Of those of you lucky enough to know him well, he is probably one of the most loyal friends you’ll ever have. He’ll always be there if you have problems. He’ll do anything to help someone out, and obviously, he will do just about anything for a laugh.

He’ll always be there if you’re feeling down. He’ll always be there when you have a broken bug light and you desperately need someone to stick their fingers in the live sockets to fix the problem. He’ll do that for you! I know!

Final Toast

I couldn’t be happier that he met and married someone like Charlene. The two of them will have a life of happiness and love. Could you please all stand to toast the Bride and Groom and their life of love and happiness together. Ladies and gentleman…Mr and Mrs Garside.

I’m married! Can you even believe it? Here’s my speech from the wedding:

Before we get started, I’d like to thank Joachim for the great job he’s done tonight. When I asked Charlene to marry me, there was only one man I could think of for the job of MC. The voice of a generation, the man who makes every Saturday night exciting, and the man whom every good Canadian kid would want speaking at his wedding…but Don Cherry said he was busy tonight with some little “hockey game”, so I grabbed the next best guy.

Seriously though, both Charlene and I have known Joachim for a number of years, and Joachim was there when we first started out as a couple. Joachim’s gone from being “that wild and crazy guy Joachim”, to “that wild guy who lives in the room next to mine”, and I can honestly say (without offending any of my previous roommates who are here tonight) that he is in the top three roommates that I’ve lived with to date.

So I’d like to propose a toast to Joachim. Thank you for entertaining us,

We’d like to thank everyone for coming, many of you are coming from out of town, and we know how difficult it can be to get around in this city. Thanks in particular to Karen and Craig, who flew in from California last night, to Virginia who made it here from Eastern Quebec (and who is celebrating her birthday today! Happy Birthday to Virginia!), and to my cousin Brenda and her husband Kevin who made it all the way from Vancouver by way of the Dominican Republic.

We also want to take a second to thank Jeff for video taping our wedding, and our speeches for us, he’s had a busy summer this year, and I believe this is his third wedding that he’s video taped. Tiffany’s handling all of his bookings, so come see her after the speeches to reserve Jeff’s time.

You’ve probably seen a young lady wandering around during the festivities, speaking into her wrist, and tilting her head to hear the responses like some sort of secret agent. That’s Anne, could you stand up for a moment? We have her to thank for making this day run as smoothly as it has so far. She’s been pulling the strings from behind the scenes, and making sure that all of the players are in the right place at the right time. She’s also responsible for introducing us. For those of you who’ve been to the website, you’ve probably read “The Story of Us”, for those of you who haven’t…shame on you! But here’s an abridged version anyway. Anne is one of Char’s oldest friends, and one night she invited Charlene, and Tiffany out to The Bohemian for some drinks and some dancing. Meanwhile, half a city away, Jeff and I were invited out to the Bohemian for drinks and some dancing from one of our fellow college friends. It turned out that our friend Stacy, had met Anne on a cruise, and the two were meeting to reminice about the trip. Jeff, Jessie (who’s over there at that table) and I got to the bar, and did the whole introduction thing, and proceeded to have a few brews and get to know the gals. At one point during the night, I leaned over to Jeff and nodded to Charlene (who was doing something particularly cute), and said to him, “She will be my wife Jeff…oh yes, she will be mine.”

Well, here we are three years later, and those words have come true. So let’s raise our glasses and give a toast to Anne. “May friendship, like wine, improve as time advances,

And may we always have old wine, old friends, and young cares.”

To Charlene’s parents; I’d like to say, and thank you very much for helping us out with the wedding, we never could have managed this without your help. Thanks to Sharon, Stuart, Michelle, and Dennis as well, I’ve never felt uncomfortable around you, and I really appreciate how willingly you’ve let me come into your lives.

Piezano, over to you…(Charlene’s turn…Char’s parents, then her full speech).

Smooch bride;

Isn’t she the best?

I’m going to start out with my folks. Mom and Dad, I really appreciate all the support you’ve given me over the years, both financially in the lean, cheese eating years, and emotionally all along. You gave me the moral foundation to put me on the right track, but also allowed me the freedom to make my own choices, which has let me grow into the person I’ve become. You have always made me feel like I could do anything that I set my mind to it, and for that I am eternally grateful. I can only hope that we can be as good parents to our children as you were to me. Although I don’t say it enough, I love you both very much.

And now my guys. What can I say about these two that hasn’t already been said? I’ve known Rich longer than I’ve known anybody outside my own family. He’s been one of my best friends since grade six, and despite the fact that I tease him more than I should, he is still one of the people whom I most look forward to hearing from. This last couple of weeks has reminded me how much I value that friendship, and how easy it is to hang out with you. You always make me laugh, whether intentional or not, and being around you always puts a smile on my face. Thanks for being one of the rocks that I could always count on, and thanks for standing by my side today.

Ryan has given me the kick in the pants that I’ve needed on several occasions, both literally and figuratively. When I was really down, he continually sent me e-mails with sound files attached with famous movie quotes about why I should be determining my own destiny. He doesn’t hesitate to tell me when I’m a bonehead (like when I wasn’t sure if Charlene liked me, so I had to ask Ryan and Kari to come down and scope things out for me), but he is also one of the first to tell me when I’ve done something impressive.

Ryan’s opinion is one that I really value, because I know he will tell me the truth whether I need to hear it or not. Thank you for being the guy behind the guy behind the guy, and for always being there when I needed some advice.

I’d like to raise a glass to my two best friends. May there always be a private joke that’s absolutely hilarious to the three of us.

Finally my lovely bride.

Wow…and you thought this day would never come. You mean more to me than words can possibly say…but not exactly being a man of few words, I’m going to give it a shot.

When I first met you, I was just coming out of the darkest period of my life. You were the sunshine behind the clouds, and every day that I spend with you is brighter than the last. All my life I wanted to meet someone who inspired me, and who would love me unconditionally. The first time I saw you, I knew that I had found the person I’ve searched my whole life for, and I promised I would never let you go. You are so smart, yet never make me feel dumb, so beautiful, but so humble about it, and so funny, yet never fail to laugh at my jokes. We’ve both grown so much in these last three years, and I am so excited about what the future will hold for us.

One more toast. To my wife, may I bring you as much joy and happiness as you have brought me.

Album Du Jour: Tenacious D is an awesome album.

DVD of the week: Haven’t seen a movie, DVD or otherwise in about three weeks.

Movie of the week: (see above)

Game of the week: Haven’t touched a game in a couple of weeks.

Website of the week: Spumco.com

Man did we clean up at Charlene’s shower last weekend. Char’s mom got us a Sony digital 8mm home camera, she told Char that if we wanted to upgrade, we could just take it in to Sears and pay the difference on a better unit, so I went in and upgraded from the TRV130 to the TRV530, which has a huge screen, and DV in/out which means I can do digital video editing through a firewire connection! That is so cool.

This also means that I can get Jeff to shoot our wedding on our own camera, and then edit it myself whenever I want to! I can’t wait.

TSNMAX is just about to launch, I’m busy all weekend doing MAX related things, mostly content related oddly enough…this is the first little bit of time that I’ve actually done any creative design so far. I worked on Friday from about 7:00am until 9:00 this morning, and I came back in tonight at 6:00 and I’ll probably leave at about 2:00 in the morning tonight. When I leave though, the site will be done.

On Monday I’m supposed to be downtown for a big meeting with folks, and of course I’ll have to be all decked out in a suit. Tomorrow afternoon Charlene moves in with me for the next couple of weeks…it seems almost unreal right now, and I don’t think it will sink in for a while…god, my bedroom is gonna be “our bedroom” for the next two weeks…weird.

THE D rules. The D is the greatest band that ever existed. The D rules all. The D is…D-licious!!!

Go to the Tenacious D website now, listen to the first single “WonderBoy”. Jack Black is a very funny man.

This has been a fun weekend. On Friday night I picked up the cameras for TSNMAX at Henry’s and am in the process of putting them together today. After picking up the cameras, we went out for dinner at the Beacher and then I went home and packed. At 11:00, Char and I went and saw Shikasta, (who rocked the mic by the way). Last night Ryan and Kari came down so we went to Tortilla Flats and had some daquiri’s (which are the best damn daquiris in the city) and then came home to crash out. This morning Kari and I went to The Beacher for breakfast because Ryan had gone home at 8:00. Charlene is currently at her shower, getting all showered and whatever else girls do during these things.

I played a little Twisted Metal Black, and now I’m surfing the web before going back downstairs to continue with the putting together of cameras and stuff.

This was a lousy comic week, but I’d say the best thing I read this week was U.S. War Machine #1&2 (it’s a weekly, so I picked up the first two issues on Wednesday). It’s interesting, and it’s moving along very quickly.

For last week, the best comic of the week was a toss up between the Authority #26, and Ultimate X-Men #9, coincidentally, both written by Mark Millar.

I got nailed by Nimda…and not from opening e-mails. First off, I’ve patched my system so I can’t get Code Red, I’ve installed a new hard drive, and I’ve got Norton Internet Security keeping an eye out for infections…there are a lot of SubSeven Trojans in the world. Last night however, a new program started asking for permission to use the internet, something called “TFTP.exe”, when I did a search on it (before deciding whether I should grant or deny access to this protocol), I found out that it was used as a back door into systems, and that you can infect a system by using it. Further investigations revealed a new worm called “Nimda” (admin spelled backwards), a quick Virus Definition update, and sure enough, it was the first thing that was caught. It had infected three files, admin.dll on the C: drive, admin.dll on the D: drive, and TFTP1476 in the InetPub/Scripts directory.

Damn viruses.

I don’t know what to say about last week. It all seems like a bad dream, but you can’t avoid it, it’s on every station, and honestly even today I woke up, turned on CNN, and expected the worst. On Saturday I awoke to a woman screaming on my clock radio, shouting “Oh my god, it’s coming down, oh my god, it’s coming down.” it took me a couple of seconds to realize it was a replay from Tuesday morning’s events. That I did NOT need. All I know for sure is that I do not want to fly anywhere for the forseeable future. There ain’t nowhere in the world that I need to be so bad that I gotta fly there right now when who knows what nutball is out there doing what.

Album Du Jour: This has been an all radio week, understandably.

DVD of the week: No time for movies.

Movie of the week: No time for movies.

Game of the week: Twisted Metal Black for the PS2

Website of the week: CNN.com

This whole situation makes you feel so helpless. Tonight I’m watching the ABC news because Peter Jennings is the only reporter who is halfway tolerable (though Dan Rathers is a close second with CBS) and they are talking extensively about the rescue aid. Firefighters, police, and even local steel workers have all pitched in to do what they can to try to find any survivors. This makes you realize the need that we as humans have to help one another, I want so badly to do something that can make a difference…somehow making the world a better place by building a sports website just doesn’t seem so important.

When I was younger I wondered what forces could inspire my grandfather to enlist in the army at the age of 17. This last couple of days, I understand. If the call went out tomorrow to enlist, I would be among the first in line. Not for revenge, but just to do something proactive rather than be a spectator.

Everything is playing out like a Hollywood Blockbuster, but I really hope it doesn’t end like one. I don’t want to see the bad guys dead. Death is the easy way out. I want to see them brought before a court, not one country’s court, but a worldwide court. They should be put on trial for war crimes, and they should be humiliated in their followers’ eyes. Killing them will make them martyrs. Exposing them as cowardly frauds will destroy them utterly.

September 11th will go down as one of the worst days in North American history. I can’t believe what happened yesterday. As I was getting ready to leave for work yesterday, I flipped over to CP24 to see what the weather would be like. It was about 8:55, and they were announcing that an explosion had happened at the World Trade Center. Reports started coming out that it was an airplane, and just as they were confirming it, a second airplane came into the frame, and smashed into the other tower. As I headed off to work, they reported that a third plane had smashed into the Pentagon, and then said that two other planes were not responding.

As the day went on, it got worse, the World Trade Center collapsed beneath it’s own injured weight. In the Pentagon, hundreds were rumoured dead. One of the two missing planes crashed in Pensylvania, and the other was rumoured to have crashed in Colorado…but has not been mentioned since. All air traffic was stopped in the United States, and diverted to Canada. Baseball games were all stopped, and the Film Festival in Toronto was cancelled. Most of downtown Toronto was evacuated as a precautionary measure, and by 3:00 this city was a ghost town.

I had to go downtown last night, and it took me 30 minutes to get from CTV to Wayne Gretzky’s…which is usually an hour drive. I was a guest on “The Wrestling Wrap” which will air late in September, and thankfully it was a nice break. I was able to get my mind off of the tragedy and just have a little fun.

Afterwards, I went to Char’s place, and we watched the rest of the night unfold. At some point last night I realized that between nine am and about 11:30 last night, I had not seen one commercial break.

Even today, there tons of fires going on in New York, a couple of the buildings around the area are on fire at noon today, and nobody know when it will end.

For me, the worst part isn’t the grand scale of the tragedy, it’s the individual stories that are coming out right now. One of the gentlemen on the plane that crashed in Pensylvania had called his mom before the plane crashed and said he and two others were going to attempt to overtake the hijackers.

That was tragic.

This was just a regular guy, with two kids, a wife, and a family who loved him. He was just going about his business, and this happened to him. There were people in the World Trade Center who were just doing their jobs one minute, and the next they were literally incinerated.

I seem to say this a lot lately, but “There but for the grace of god go I.”

This was a pretty productive weekend. On Friday night, I went out for dinner with Donnie “Freak Daddy” Abreu, and we talked about his new wrasslin’ project “The Wrestling Wrap”, which will debut on ONTV in late September. I’m going to be a guest on a couple of shows as a member of the “round table”, so I’ll be making my TV debut soon! That should be fun. We were talking about segment ideas, and ideas for his website and that kind of stuff.I went back to TSN and fixed the encoder a little more, then went to Char’s to feed the pig and watch some Smackdown.

Saturday morning I watched a new show called “Moolah Island” on Fox, and then went downtown to look for gifts for the guys in my wedding party. I got a great deal on what I was looking for, and managed to find exactly what I wanted. I’m about half way there, but I think it’s the coolest gift ever. I still have to figure out what to get Char, and I need to find something for Joachim (our MC/Usher) and Dennis (our other Usher). I went over to Char’s (she had just gotten back from her stagette), and we went to the mall. At the mall, I got a call from Lucas who said there was a problem with sound in one of the encoders, so I went over to CTV (we were at Scarborough Town Centre), and had to go back to the mall to get a couple of pieces, and then went all the way back to the office again, and finally hooked everything up. Then Char and I went to her place, and ran over to the Beaches Theatre to see RockStar (which was pretty good).

Today we went downtown, I picked up $80.00 worth of stuff for TSN, and then went grocery shopping. Joachim and I are going to have Rib Night in Canada soon, and I’m looking forward to using the new Clubhouse Rub on our ribs.

I’m going to try to do some work on the Wedding Site tonight, and get the guestbook up and running. I’m also going to play around with a new Tales From The Darkside layout. Hopefully I can come up with something solid soon. I’m not sure what I’ll have besides this page, but I’d like to do an art page, maybe a page on comics, and maybe even a rant page. Not positive yet, but it will be fun.

I’m still recovering from working Tuesday at 9:00am to Wednesday at 5:00pm straight with about a half an hour nap (by putting two chairs together and stretching out between them). I went to sleep last night at 6:00 and woke up this morning at 8:00, starving. I then realized that other than a sub at about 2:00 yesterday, I hadn’t eaten at all on Wednesday. I had no time to think about food from about four in the morning until two when I realized I had to eat something or I would pass out. I got home and was too tired to make anything to eat…but luckily the ice cream truck had just arrived, so I grabbed a chocolate shake. By the time I had finished it, I was out like a light. I remember waking up around 4:30 or so in the morning, but I wasn’t really cognizant of what was going on.

I’m working on cutting up the WTSN graphics and getting the site ready for launch. Then I’m going to go in and make sure everyone’s okay, before playing a little ball at Bestview. If the monkeys win tonight, we are in 7th place. If we lose, we are last in the league. I don’t really care where we finish, as long as we have some fun.

Album Du Jour: Disturbed, The Sickness

DVD of the week: Unbreakable extra stuff

Movie of the week: O not as good as Ten Things I Hate About You, but an interesting take on the bard’s work.

Game of the week: Black and White (still, it’s the only thing I’ve got loaded on my new HD).

Website of the week: The Microsoft Pocket PC website. They’re releasing a new OS for my beloved iPAQ!

By the way, my new hard drive works awesome! It’s amazing how much faster it is than the old one. At work I have a new PC as well, a P4 1.4 gig with 512 RAM, and a Matrox Dual Head monitor (which I’ve got hooked up to a 19″ Dell and a 15″ flatscreen). Pretty cool stuff.